god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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