Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
high people should be assigned attendants
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
