So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
