It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize