we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
