i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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