Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
