Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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