Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
