she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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