Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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