My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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