She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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