When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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