im holly from the hills drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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