I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
