I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
