Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
