im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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