If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
