I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I love you. Go after that dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
