Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
