I wish my penis had an off switch
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
