My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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