Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
