The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
