i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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