There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize