apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
