Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How does one acquire holy water?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
