hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
