I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
