Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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