So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
