Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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