umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
