my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just high enough for therapy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
