I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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