Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
