So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
