he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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