Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
