I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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