I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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