Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
