I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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