see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
