do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
