At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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