Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
