My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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