i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
