I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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