end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
