bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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