Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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