ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
