I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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