Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
