Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He shit in the fireplace
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
