sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
