Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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