Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
