no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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