Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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