Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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