so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
