I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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