Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you will always have a special place in my vag
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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