i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
