My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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