drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
