I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
