we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Two words: blizzard sex
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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