Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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