Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
