whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
