HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
