Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
