I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
