you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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