so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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