So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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