Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how does that bad decision feel?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
