So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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