I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
zippers are such a cool invention
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
