Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
