Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
