i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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