you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
