If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize