Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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