I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize