I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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