Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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