everyone is single if you try hard enough
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
last night I used snow as a chaser
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
