I just made out with a guy for $7.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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