Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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