Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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